Thursday, September 09, 2004

my bones are crunchy

I feel like I've had too much stimulation and I can't bear to be at work any longer. I need the walk that my break will take me on and the silence of thought that my headphones will sustain. I've been writing so much at home and I no longer want to rewrite any of it on here, I just need the space to fill and I don't want to fill it with anything over just a few minutes old. I don't know what to do anymore, I feel anxious about something that I'm not aware of yet. I don't know what to eat, I want people to tell me what I should, so I don't have to think about it. It doesn't interest me anymore, I just know that I have to have food in order to have any energy.

I'm fidgety lately. My hands have to keep themselves so busy that I don't even notice them moving anymore. My leg makes me foot tap against the side of my chair nervously, even though I have nothing to be nervous about. Typing this is a great release, going as fast as I want, without thinking or worrying or pausing to check for grammatical error, misspelling.

My head is a bit muddled again. Not in a necessarily bad way. I am just really distracted and I can't remember the last time I wanted so badly to not be working. Truth is, I'm bored. I love my job, I love my boss, but I'm bored to tears right now. I want to be outside, I want to be walking, I want to be exploring, I want adventure...I wanna be a pirate! No, not really, sorry about that.

I just want out.

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