Wednesday, December 22, 2004

a brief history of negativity

No. You can't do that. You shouldn't do that. You're just going to get yourself in trouble. That person isn't going to like that gift, no matter how thoughtful it was, just don't give it to them. They'll think you're weird. You definitely need to do something about that weight problem/lack of education/financial irresponsibility.

Tell me that doesn't sound like failure. Tell me that the person these things are being said to isn't going to walk away with a remarkably small amount of self-esteem and a significantly larger amount of self-doubt.

I have felt like a failure many times in my life and I'm sure I could spend even more time beating myself senselessly about it, but that is hardly the plan now. Do you care to know the plan?

The plan is this:

I am going back to school. I just bought my Psychology book online for a better price than the college bookstore could offer me. The Art History text requirement isn't posted yet, so I'll have to wait on that. I intend to pick up the first book from the library, so I can review it a bit before school starts (and in case Amazon.com takes too long to get it to me). I have all the school supplies I need and I'll only be at the college once a week, so thankfully I don't have to buy a term permit (they're damn expensive).

I am moving out of my apartment. It's too expensive and the owners are a bit shifty. They have an illegal clause in their rental agreement (reading CA Tenant Law really works wonders) and they illegally entered a friend's apartment before he moved (no notice, just came in one day, luckily a friend was visiting from Germany and happened to be asleep on his couch at the time). I should be able to find an apartment for at least a hundred dollars less than the current one. Since I'll be going to school in Pleasant Hill, I will feel free to move to any number of cities between there and Emeryville (where I work).

Within the next two years I plan on finishing my AA degree and most of my undergrad work, then moving to Salt Lake City. My dad has agreed to help me find a house to buy up there, since he lives thirty minutes away. Everyone thinks I'm crazy and no one has failed to mention the percentage of Mormons living there, but I like it and, frankly,I like them. So really there's no problem.

Who knows if I'll succeed this time? Frankly, I don't give a damn. I have to move forward and all the negativity does is hold me back. So here I go.

5 Comments:

Blogger john said...

Good luck with school!

8:44 AM  
Blogger Antonio Hicks said...

I was just browsing various blogs as I was doing a search on the word poster, and I just wanted to say that I really like what you've done with your blog, even though it wasn't particularly related to what I searched for. I appreciate your postings, and your blog is a good example of how a blog should be done. I've only just recently started a Posters website - feel free to visit it when you get a chance if you wish. Much success, antonio.

12:29 PM  
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